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I had a choice. My daughter no longer does.

Isn’t it ironic that on the eve of my birthday I should record a solo podcast episode entitled  “Life IS a Choice” [listen here] only to have the choice to abort an unwanted or nonviable pregnancy striped from millions of Americans, the following day? 

Worst birthday news ever!

It was not at all the theme of my episode, really.

I just wanted to have a personal conversation with my listeners and share some personal choices I was asked to make that shaped and transformed my life until today.  

Unfortunately, I can no longer say that to strip a person of the right to choose is unconstitutional.

That was overturned by just 5 people, 1 woman, and 4 men. They made a decision that now affects over 165 million people with a uterus.

I have no words, other than devastating (when I stay polite).

From personal experience, it is traumatizing both physically and emotionally.

And yet, if I had to choose again I would definitely choose to live my life on my own terms again and again.

To think that if my daughter were to become pregnant against her will and was still living in this country she would have no choice but to carry to full term and birth an unwanted child.

My life would be radically different today if I had not had that choice as a young adult. To be perfectly honest I’m not sure I would have been able to survive it.

My sweet mother, may she rest in peace, had me fly across the country so she could take care of me. For most of her life she fought for human rights and today we have lost the right to make choices and autonomy over our own bodies. 

You see, she also had to have an abortion when she was even younger, it had been terrifying and traumatizing. 

She did not want that for her daughter. 

But, I had a choice. 

My daughter no longer does.

I am at a loss for words.

Horrendous!

We’ve gone back in time and those who will suffer the most from a decision made by 5 wealthy privileged humans are the underprivileged and already marginalized population in this country. 

The wealthy and privileged person who chooses to terminate a pregnancy will be able to travel to a safe place. 

But not everyone has that choice. Dividing our country yet again.

We must continue to fight for human rights. 

Only when everyone is well-taken care of can we evolve towards a more peaceful and harmonious future together. 

So yeah my birthday was hijacked by this horrific turn of events. But it is nothing compared to how this decision will affect millions of people in their childbearing years. 

My wish to all is that we can come to a consensus where all people are respected no matter their beliefs, religion, ethnicity, or sexual identity. No matter what.

I will continue to choose love over hate and fight so that every single human can have a good, healthy, and decent life on planet earth. 

Let love prevail, 

P.S. Back to the birthday… Here are a few photos from the weekend…

It was absolutely the perfect one for the introvert in me. I choose to delete all social media and email from my phone and enjoyed the silence of my home, with no music or shows for 72 hours. I did see friends, talked to my children and hubby (they’re all in Europe), exercised, read, and did many practical life activities around the house. Pure joy!

So very grateful to have the opportunity for another spin around the sun.

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7 thoughts on “I had a choice. My daughter no longer does.”

  1. I am confused and saddened that people say women have no right to choose!! No one took away their right to choose….the Supreme Court took the federal government out of it and put it back on the states, which actually gives more people a say in what takes place in their communities. Also by taking the federal government out of it, tax payers money can no longer help fund these procedures. Medically necessary procedures will continue as a dr sees fit. However what will happen is some women may have to travel a little distance to correct the first “choice” she made. Maybe we should do a better job of teaching our girls “my body, my choice” starts long before terminating the life of another being!
    In the cases of rape, incest, or a crazy night out, plan B is still readily available and PREVENTS the unwanted pregnancy.

    Reply
    • I don’t usually reply but for you to respond in this way to Jeanne-Marie’s heartfelt comments was just more than I can bare.
      1. taxpayers do not pay for the procedure and they never have. They Hyde amendment prevents any government funding.

      2. it is one of the few medical procedures that even private insurance can refuse to fund even if necessary for the mother’s life.

      3. 20+ states have “trigger laws” that ban it. Even when it is because of rape, incest or it endangers the mother’s life.

      4. I am a physician who takes care of families and I can no longer use my long training and 20+ years of experience to take care of my patients and put their well being front and center without fear of prosecution.

      5. often the people that need the procedure more are the most vulnerable among us who do not have resources to travel to other states.

      6. states are already putting laws in place that will restrict women’s abilities to travel further turning us into a police state and removing our women’s rights to bodily autonomy.

      Reply
      • Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge. I really wish people did more research and expanded their own knowledge before making such strong comments especially on something that can be an extremely difficult subject to discuss. To the people least impacted it is too often so easy to make comments and pass judgment. It’s usually the people who are impacted the most that have the most difficulty even commenting about it. I see all the people protesting for women to lose their right to make choices about their own body and I know I could go and speak up for myself and my own story where thankfully I have always had the right to choose but unfortunately even for people like me who have had to make one of the most difficult decisions In a womens life – there is still a sense of shame put on anyone who does make a choice. People don’t seem to realize it’s not a decision made lightly at least not by anyone I know. Even at the places whether it be in a hospital or at a place like planned parenthood they make sure you have thought everything through extremely well. It’s not like they just say ok – let’s do this!! If you are able to see my comment that I just posted I did make the incredibly difficult decision not to terminate during my last pregnancy even against drs advice, but prior to that I was originally going to terminate with the pill forms and I did have to drive 2 hours to get to the planned parenthood I was able to go to and I spoke to 3 different professionals all making sure that I was sure of my decision. After the last when they explained how the pills worked and that I would take the first in the office something inside me told me not to do it (I almost lost my life because I didn’t do it) but when I told them I changed my mind, they were so nice and understanding. It is quite possibly the most difficult decision anyone can make and it’s something that person has to live with the rest of their lives, no one else.

        Reply
    • Wow I am really dumbfounded by this comment. I’m not sure if you are living in the same country as I do, but no matter what some may be pressured to believe a woman does NOT make a choice to get raped. If a woman is brutally raped and kidnapped it would be too late for the morning after pill to work if she got pregnant. Also, as a mom of 3 – all which were high risk -after being told I was not able to have children I still used the depo shot for protection, and in my 30’s I was pregnant with my first. My second was also on birth control – I had an IUD that was inserted correctly, etc. during my last pregnancy I was given the choice because of the high risks of something happening to me and god forbid I would have not made it and my 2 little girls would have been raised without me. Thankfully they Med flighted my son and I to Boston as soon as they removed him from me, after realizing I had complete liver failure due to 3rd trimester pregnancy. I do realize how lucky I am to be alive, I had a number of drs tell me they didn’t think I would make it. I was given the choice which I am grateful for, but I did choose to continue the pregnancy as long as I could until they had to take him out via emergency c-section or there would have been no chance of either of us surviving. I do not regret the decision at all today, my son does have cerebral palsy though and it breaks my heart to see him in pain when I stand by helpless or when I see him struggling to walk on his own. Of course I blame myself which is a horrible thing to live with. So yes some women may be able to make a “choice” but at the cost of possibly their own life or permanent disabilities for a child or a child living as a result of rape. I don’t wish that on anyone and I would never say someone made a “choice” to be raped. Yes, none ot my children were planned, but I don’t consider any mistakes thank god!! I will say a prayer for your vision

      Reply

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