Dear mother*,
I know you cherish me and love me dearly.
I feel your unconditional love and I thank you for giving me the security and love I need to thrive.
There are just a few things I need you to be aware of.
I know you’re doing your very best and I thank you for it.
I also know that you look to others because sometimes you feel insecure about how to handle me, yet I know that deep down you know exactly what is right for me and what is right for you.
Trust yourself.
Lately, I’ve noticed that ‘influencers’ who are extremely competent in their field are also sharing what they’re doing with their newborns.
But to be perfectly honest they don’t know what the heck they’re doing.
They’ve never been parents before and have little to no knowledge of childhood development.
So please pay attention to what I’m going to tell you.
It’s really important.
I’m the expert in what I need.
I’m a growing human being I started out as just one cell and with nature’s help, I’ve become a full fledge human infant.
The thing is, I’m still developing after birth.
For example, my auditory sense, and my visual sense are still forming and are very fragile.
So please, only soft sounds and a simplified visual environment.
The other thing I need you to understand is that my body is slowly myelinating from my head down to my toes and from the center out to my fingers.
This process takes time, like 12 months!
- Characteristics of the movement in the womb – Piscean
- Movements characteristics of the first 4 to 6 months – Reptilian
- Movements in the quadruped position – Mammalian
- From crawling to walking, hands still not entirely free from balance – Primate
- Bipedal, standing on two feet – Human
This is why it’s extremely important to let me develop all my motor skills on my own terms.
Do not prop me up in the latest greatest contraption that the baby industry and influencers tell you is indispensable.
It’s not.
What I really need, is your arms, your cuddles, and your voice.
The rest of the time when I am awake you can let me be on a soft firm mat that is safe for me to explore what my body is capable of.
Don’t worry.
I’ll sit up by myself and I’ll also walk on my own eventually.
You did it and so can I.
I just need you to let me do it on my own schedule.
Let me figure it out on my own.
I’ll be a lot stronger both physically and mentally if you trust that I am capable.
You see, if you always do things for me I’ll never be able to trust myself.
I need to know that I can get myself into the positions I desire, so just let me be so I can get there on my own.
Your task is to make sure your entire home and now my home too, is a place for me to safely explore.
You might want to crawl around to see what I see.
I’m a very curious little human.
As soon as I figure out how to get on my hands and knees and crawl I’ll be off exploring my home, so make sure it’s set up for me to safely discover on my own.
And to be honest, when you know you’ve properly set it up for me you’ll feel more confident and not so anxious wondering what I’m going to get myself into.
Ok, there is one more very important aspect of my development I need you to be aware of, and that is to keep any type of screen away from me.
I do not benefit from any of them. Well maybe talking to far-away relatives once in a while, that’s the only exception.
I’m serious, like very serious.
Not a phone, not an iPad, not a laptop, not a television, none of them.
They basically make my brain freeze and I’m completely mesmerized, which may seem to you like a good thing as if I was focused, but I’m not.
It’s actually my prehistoric brain that gets locked into trying to make sense of the multitude of light specks hitting my eyes at extreme speeds. Which makes everything else stop so that not much is developing in my brain.
I’m a sensorial learner.
So please for the sake of my developing brain avoid any type of screens.
When I’m around, try to put your phone away, put it in a drawer or in a cupboard, and if it rings, get up answer it if you have to, and come back to me.
You don’t need to be checking it all the time.
I’m way, way more interesting than a phone.
When you’re with me, I need you to interact with me, to talk, read or sing to me, and to look me in the eyes.
And please don’t leave me alone to eat in front of a television so you can get things done.
Instead, sit with me while I eat. Tell me what I’m eating. Talk to me, and take time to enjoy being with me.
I’m growing so fast.
Tomorrow, I’ll be a different person.
Get yourself a cup of tea or join me during my mealtime, it’s great a habit to establish from the very beginning.
Sharing a meal with you is how I learn, I get to watch you using your utensils, wipe your mouth or have a conversation, it’s fascinating.
Mealtime is such a beautiful time to connect.
Don’t leave me alone in my highchair and especially not in front of a screen.
When you complain that you can’t get anything done, involve me.
I’d love to be able to do what you do.
Show me what you’re doing, tell me what you are doing.
Give me a little part of it.
You’ll see with time I’ll become an amazing helper. We can do all those things together making it way more fun and yes sometimes a little messy but remember at my young age it’s the process, not the results that matter.
Helping you, will help me understand sequencing and give me significance and belonging which I desperately need to develop a healthy positive appreciation of who I am.
I know you’re doing your very best and I also need you to learn to observe me.
To observe me without any judgments, preconceived ideas, or comparing me to others.
Just observe what I’m doing or what I’m trying to figure out. It will help you better understand what I might need next.
And remember that “less is more” for me while I’m trying to make sense of everything.
It really is.
The less clutter, the fewer toys, and the fewer contraptions I have the better I am.
I’m a very small human being, trying to make sense of the world that I’ve been born into.
Please don’t rush me.
I just want to go at my pace.
Everything is new, everything I’m feeling, seeing, and hearing is for the very first time and I just need your patience while I process and make sense of it.
My task is to adapt to my time, place, and culture.
Your role is to help me do that with ease and joy.
I beg of you.
Don’t rush me.
Don’t prop me up and put me in different containers and contractions. I need to figure out what my body is capable of on my own terms.
And if I may suggest Jeanne-Marie Paynel – Your Parenting Mentor is a wonderful resource to assist you in helping me thrive at every stage of development.
She’s amazing and has been helping other parents understand what their role is, not as a servant or as a teacher, but as guides to help me make adapt to my time, place, and culture.
Watching and helping me develop naturally at my own pace.
Trust me.
Trust yourself.
We’ve got this.
with love your baby,
*father, parent, grandparent, or any primary caregiver this is for you too.
P.S. Here are some additional resources for you:
Create a Calm, Stress-Free Home for YOU & Your Baby. Download my FREE Nursery Checklist HERE
Watch and learn: Welcoming Newborns the Montessori Way created for The Childhood Potential Conference.
Respecting Babies: A Guide to Educaring For Parents and Professionals. By Ruth Anne Hammond
The Montessori Baby: A Parent’s Guide to Nurturing Your Baby with Love, Respect, and Understanding. By Simone Davies and Junnifa Uzodike
Understanding the Human Being: The Importance of the First Three Years of Life. By Silvana Quattrocchi Montanaro
